I hate eye doctors

Eye hate I doctors. They are terrible. They put junk in your i's and they itch, but you cant scratch them cause they are your i's. Eye think I doctors should be shot.

JBPH

The other night I was watching 24 (the best show ever) and it occured to me that america is just rebellious nothing more. Do you think tha we actually created the first ever super agent? No! James Bond was the first super agent and what nationality was he? British. America has had a long rivalry with Britain trying to be different and better. Lets look at history, Boston Tea Party, Celsius and Farenheight, Left side or right side, guns or billy clubs. We are always mad at each other, and that is all that Jack Bauer is. He is just another statement that america is saying "hey england we're still better than you, you have james bond well he's a sissy compared to Jack Bauer eat our shorts." Also despite the fact that Jack is the most incredible person in the world Chuck Norris could still melt his pancreas just by imagining it. Some people have said that the day Jack Bauer and Chuck Norris meat Armageddon will begin.

Shape Up

Have you ever looked at people? I mean really looked at people. I once sat in a mall for three hours just looking at people. They come in all sizes and shapes (just because everyone always says shapes and sizes) cylinders, pears, circles, figure 8's you name it. If shapes could talk what do you think they would say? "Hey I'm a square I don't like to do things that are dangerous and I like to do Science in my free time." Or maybye, "Hi I'm a circle I'm always happy because I don't care about anything." What would the hexagon say would he feel awkward because he's part square and part circle, or would he embrace his individuality and be outgoing? Thats a question we each need to ask ourselves.

Panda's are awesome. When they are eating their bamboo their all cute. But when you see a sad panda its all depressing. I wish all pandas were happy pandas. And when pandas are confused its just funny

$$$=bad 000=good

Free stuff is awesome. I hear you can just beg for food at fast food places and get it for free. I wonder what else is free, like could i get a free hotel room if i asked nicely. Could i see a free movie, like hey ticket guy i'm broke and really need to see this movie, think you can help a brother out? Or Salvation, what if that was like a free gift, wait that is free. Or dry cleaning, like if i spill coke on my white pants and i say hey dry cleaner guy can you clean these pants. And he says like that would be 3 bucks and i tell him i have no money and need to wear pants, and then he'll look over the counter and realize i need to put some pants on so he gives them back. That would be cool. I thought it might be cool if gas was free, but then i remember i am going to learn to fly and i dont think you need gas if you are flying about the city skyline.

Record Straight

It is okay for animals to dress and talk like people. It is not okay for people to dress and talk like animals. That is all

Musings

I think people should be arrested if they talk when I am watching TV. TV time is not talking time, i dont care about your opinion or prediction of the show, I want to know what happens. This is why the show must be paused and replayed, because I cant miss any part of it. Its just that simple. If i didnt have a TV that could record and replay I would never watch TV with anyone, unless they were a mime. But if that mime tried to break out of a box or pull a rope and be all distracting, I would kill him. Because i think there is a clause in the murder laws that says its okay to kill mimes.

Fly me to the moon

If i could have any super powers I would fly. That would be wicked awesome. Flying around looking at things. I wouldnt have to donate my kidney to afford my car payment. I could just fly places. I wonder if my flying ability would allow me to fly to the moon. Cause then i could be an astronaut. I hear that when you jump on the moon you jump really high. I could bring a high jump and set a record for the worlds highest high jump. That would be cool, i could be in the Guiness Book of World records next to the two overweight orca fat twins on motorcycles.

Mind Magic

Have you ever stared really really long at somethign and try to move it with you mind. I know i have the ability to do this, but I have never sucessfully done it. So next time i am staring at my desk, i'm doing real work, I am trying to move my pencil with my mind

Guns for Men

No one wants to play with my gas gun. Just cause its more powerful and cooler. I mean who doesnt want a mark on their face the size of Cincinati? Come on be a tough guy. If Chuck Norris was hear, he would let me shoot him. But if Chuck Norris was here, his laser eyes would explode the gun in my hands

Bad Burritos

Today I microwaved a burrito, they should have a class in school on how to microwave a burrito. I mean it looks easy, take it out of the freezer, remove the wrapper, toss it in the midget microwave in a land of giants, dont even need a plate and then put a minute or so on the timer. But 1 of 2 things happen, either you bite into a cold spot and it ruins your burrito eating experience, or you cook it too long and it explodes open and beans ooze out when you try to shove it in your mouth. There was one time when i cooked the perfect burrito, I was so excited i called everyone i knew and even showed Winston, but by the time I got to my burrito it was cold.

Tiny Moustache

Have you ever been excited on how German words sound. They jusut sound cooler that whatever language I normally speak. Sauerkraut, Fatherland, Spreckense. But when you walk around with a tniy moustache waving your hands crazy like in the air and shout these German words, people mock you. And thats a bummer.

My Name Rocks

My name is Nathan Alexander Heitzig. I was named after Alexander the Great, because he was great and so am I. I share a room with my dog Winston. He's a good dog. But I am going to move and leave Winston alone, I secretly hope Winston falls in love with one of the Koi in the pond. And then they could get married. I'm curious if he would move in with the fish and live underwater, or if the fish would grow a set of lungs and live in the house.